A song for Dublin: who will be going home with nul point?

By Donal Hasset

Ireland’s relationship with the Eurovision is in many ways a fitting allegory for Irish attitudes to the European project as a whole. In the bleak 60’s and 70’s, when violence stalked the land and the economy was in tatters, a young Dana’s fresh faced innocence encapsulated the fawning admiration of the nation for all things European. Our entry into Europe saw us master the art of securing European funds while also becoming undisputed kings of the Eurovision. While 16 May will reveal whether Ireland can make a glorious return to the heady days of Johnny Logan, the upcoming European elections of 5 June promise to be equally as tantalising a contest.

Dana, no stranger to the European scene herself, sang of “All Kinds of Everything” and that is a good description of the slate of candidates each vying for the chance at European glory. With the capital only sending three representatives to Brussels this time round, one of the sitting MEP’s is definitely facing their “Waterloo”.

Many analysts claim that Eoin Ryan, Fianna Fáil’s sitting Dublin MEP, will be left singing “Why Me?” à la Linda Martin as public anger at the government will result in a resounding null point. His running mate, Dublin Lord Mayor, Eibhlin Byrne is more of a backing vocalist to front man in an attempt to solidify a shaky support base.

Others claim that Sinn Féin’s Mary Lou McDonald will be crying ‘Hold me Now’ on 5 June as she may well feel the squeeze in the smaller constituency.

Labour’s Proinsias De Rossa is sure to hear the strains of Cliff Richard’s famous Eurovision chorus ‘Congratulations’ as his party benefits from public anger. But could he too face the same fate as Cliff and let complacency lead to a surprise defeat (granted a few bribes from Franco’s Spain did play a role in Cliff’s shocking loss)?

Fine Gael’s MEP, Gay Mitchell, seems a shoo-in as he is the darling of the South side middle classes and his departure for Brussels will often see the ladies of Terenure Retirement Club warning him to “Save All Your Kisses for Me”.

Old socialist stalwart Joe Higgins has thrown his hat in the ring and though public anger is great he lacks the necessary glitz to win the contest and he may well be left singing another chorus of “What’s another election, to someone who’s lost every election ever known?”.

The Greens’ Deirdre de Burca has left behind her Wicklow base and moved to Dublin for this Battle Royale but it looks like her Celine Dion style cries of ‘Ne Partez pas Sans Moi’ will go unheeded by Ireland’s MEP delegation.

Libertas are the big newcomers this time around and though their campaign seems to be making quite the “Boom-Bang-a-Bang”, polls indicate that Caroline Simmons and Declan Ganley may be more Donna and Joe McCall than Paul Harrington & Charlie McGettigan.

With the official list of candidates not to be announced until 11 May, might Dustin go for European glory again this year? With the turkey, and of course Mr.Tayto, featuring prominently on spoiled ballots (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dustin_the_Turkey#Political_career) he would be in with a good chance, though the prospect of getting on the gravy train may scare the Fianna Fowl representative off the European Rubber Chicken Circuit.

So, for all you Eurovision connoisseurs, I hope this will help you when you are following in the footsteps of Buck’s Fizz and “Making your Mind Up”. It’s up to you to choose your “Number One”, to select those who will be singing “We Are the Winners of Euro-Elections” and those who will go home with nul point.